You Are My Confidence

So much is changing in this life of mine that sometimes it leaves me reeling with uncertainty. I feel like sometimes all I'm doing is struggling to stay afloat. Quite frankly, it makes me wonder how anyone is able to survive on their own. I guess I just never thought it would be this hard; that, somehow, everybody makes it. But I do think the next step for me is leaving this town. I think that it's simply time for me to move on. There's nothing really left for me here and it's a welcomed change actually. I can be closer to my family and my true friends. I can start my life with someone I love very much, far away from all the people who have caused us so much heartache.

For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan. I can't say exactly what I'll be doing in two months. So much is riding on what "might" happen and so little on what is certain. I'm scared of making a move and then failing. But at the same time, where can I go but up? This job is a jumping off point. This town is now part of my past. It's time. Anything is better than reliving these moments day in and day out. I'm ready to make new ones. I'm ready to start my life. I'm ready to DO something. Anything.

As of now, I don't know where I'm going to live or where I'm going to work. I don't know if a job for him will come up somewhere else and we'll have to uproot our lives all over again. I don't know if we'll be able to afford living off my job while he gets his MBA. But whether I drown or stay afloat, I can say that the one comfort I have is that I'll be doing it with him by my side. I have never been more certain about anything in my life. I feel like he is the one thing I can count on in this sea of doubt and confusion. And for that, I am most grateful.

I can only guess what people must think of us...and honestly I don't care. Because I think the universe was doing everything in its power to bring us together. We were hurtling through our lives and God could only foresee us ending up together by one way. I hate that it hurt people, but I am so happy it happened. He has brought out a joy in me that I've never felt. He's made me a better person. I hope that everyone finds someone that makes them this happy.

XOXO,