The free time summer break grants is much like a double-edged sword. Although it provides a bit of a break from the stresses of classes and crazy schedules, it also allows time to realize exactly where one sits along the path of life. It seems that when I think of how I began this journey and then where I am currently, I cannot help but to feel a bit like "What the hell?" I am no closer to knowing who the hell I am, where the hell I'm going, who the hell will be there when I get there, or why the hell I want to be there in the first place. For example, today I accomplished precisely nothing. (If of course, you don't count beginning a new blog in which to rant about my inability to be productive.)
Friday, June 15, 2007
1. Slept until 4pm.
2. Took a shower.
3. Took my trash out.
4. Drove an hour to my hometown.
5. Spent six hours on the computer.
That is exactly what I accomplished today. And the previous days of this week were of equal or lesser value. I am so frighteningly close to completing my bachelor's that I refused to take summer classes, but, in my defense, I have applied to around a million and one jobs with absolutely no response. That certainly upped my feelings of self-worth. Haha. So back to my initial point: I feel absolutely unproductive. Absolutely out of my element...or at least what used to be my element. I am possibly even more confused about life now than I've ever been before. And at almost the ripe old age of twenty-one, that is a terrifying thought. I am wandering in the world without direction. Hopefully somebody is familiar with this terrain. Hopefully I can cheat and find my way to somewhere.
Oh, to make it out alive.
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